This Isn't A Joke

Tony sat in her corner, trying to figure out what to do with her current predicament. She really fucking hated magic. A lot. At least last time they made a virus to make his body male again but this was different. This was pure biology.

And Extermis said he had all the working parts to match a completely born, raised, young adult female. Tony really hoped he wouldn't be stuck like this for a long period of time. She was really not looking forward to PMS. Plus having long hair freaking sucked. It kept almost getting caught in the machinery she was working in. At one point she just tied it back with string she found somewhere.

Fuck my life.

Tony's armor, fortunately, changed with his body. Sure, if felt weird now that his center of balance had changed for suit flight but at least she could function in the suit. Barely. Extermis did a lot to help him now and she felt overly stupid because of it.

Tony suddenly really wanted a few advil and a nap.

Laura was walking through the house, she had just finished her morning sickness..Which always left her feeling not so great, especially since she had to eat something now so she wouldn't be puking stomach acid.

She then saw the door to the weight room was opened.

Who is in the weight room right now?

She asked herself, before she walked into the room. She walked further into the room, before seeing a female on the couch. A female she never saw here before, making her eyebrow raised a little.

"..Hello?" She said lowly.

Tony opened a holographic computer in front of her hands, typing desperately trying to figure out a way to reverse the God's spell without having to kiss the creep.

"Hello?"

Tony jumped again, losing the concentration needed to keep the holographic computer up. Shit, what was with people today and fucking scaring me?

Tony looked up, blue eyes met green as she almost paled. Lara was in the room with him.

He was fucked.

"Hi." Tony almost scowled, the voice was higher and much, much more feminine than she'd like to admit. this fucking sucked. At least she could probably tease Steve with this later... after the Patriot was done yelling at him.

Laura jumped slightly when she saw she had scared the woman. She stood there as the woman just stared at her in shock for a bit, before speaking back to her. Though she started to smell Tony's smell. Which made her confused, she didn't see that man, only a woman..

"Um..who are you?" She asked, getting more curious to why this woman smelled like Tony.

Tony blinked, before sighing out. The truth would probably save herself from anything the woman could do in here. Her claws could cut through his suit and he knew Laura hated lying almost as much as he hated it.

"Tony." He waited for the laughter, something he knew would come. Loki was a trickster, a Joker.

"Tony."

Laura froze as her eyes widened when she answered her, making her just stare at her. How could this female be Tony? Tony wasn't a woman..He was a sarcastic asshole, and a male.

"Prove it." She said as she didn't believe her, right now she was thinking that this woman must have slept with Tony.

"Fuck, seriously? Could my scent not be enough?" Tony mumbled out pulling the collar of her shirt down to expose her arc reactor.


"One of a fucking kind, Princess. I'm not all to thrilled about having a vagina instead of a penis." She sighed through her nose. Fuck, she was so unhappy about this.

Laura raised her eyebrow when the woman suddenly cursed and asked about her scent. She then looked down at her arc reactor, before looking up and glare a little when she heard that nickname. Though she didn't really exactly yell back as she usually did..

Her mouth had curved into a little smirk. Tony was turned into a female. A female! This sarcastic asshole got turned into a female. Oh this was too funny.

She covered her mouth as she started to laugh, showing how much she found this funny.

"Oh you're just a fucking bitch." Tony muttered out, standing up crossing her arms under her chest.

"This isn't fucking funny. At all. I need to fucking figure out how to fix this before Captain Fucking Patriot finds me and proceeds to be the biggest Patriotic dick on Earth. Oh wait, he's already that." Tony was seething and pissed off. No sleep was making him overly snappy.

Laura couldn't help but laugh a little more when he called her a bitch. She then looked up at him when he yelled at her. She put her hand over her mouth, though it was clear she was still laughing. But only in her head.

"I think it is." She said shortly. Before smirking more at Tony's expression. "At least I'm being honest, and I bet my laughing isn't going to compare what Stripes is going to do when he finds out."

"It's not funny, Stripes is going to...! Wait, did you just call Caps, Stripes?" Tony couldn't help but smirk, the anger from earlier melted into nonexistence. Law of Conversation of Mass was broken.

"God, I'm not sure if I want Cap to jump me or yell at me. Wait, I didn't mean to say that." Tony's cheeks were a light red color as he tried to save himself, fuck.

"Fuck Loki and his fucking magic. I HATE MAGIC." She growled out, pulling her hair out of her pony. The string was destroyed in seconds.

"God, I'm not sure if I want Cap to jump me or yell at me. Wait, I didn't mean to say that."

Laura froze as she covered her mouth more, before she started to laugh once again. She bended over a little and continued to laugh.

"Oh my god, this is too funny." She whimpered as she tried to catch her breath. This was just too hilarious to her. She then looked up to see Tony get angry again, making her double over again to continue laughing.

"Stop laughing at me! This isn't funny!" Tony said, getting increasingly exasperated. No one would take her seriously at this point.

"Just shut the fuck up before I..." tony drowned off, Extermis popped into her head giving her vital signs of the woman in front of her. Something seemed up and Extermis was seriously taking an unhappy buzzing noise to it.

Increased heart rate, increased hormone execration.

What? Did that mean...?

"Laura, are you fucking pregnant?" Tony said with almost a slack jaw.

Laura kept laughing when he told her to stop laughing. And she just continued to laugh when he was about to threaten her..Though she was unaware what was going on.

"Laura, are you fucking pregnant?"

Laura's eyes widened as she gasped lightly. Her whole body freezing in it's place. Her eyes slowly looked at Tony.

How..?

She thought, before looking away. Hoping her reaction was enough for him.

Tony's eyes widened, she hadn't expected to be right.

"Shit, Laura, is called fucking protection. How the fuck? You're supposed to be sterile. If I read the S.H.I.E.L.D. files right." Tony was confused. It really wasn't all the often that he was, in fact, confused.

Rare moments seem to happen in the Weight Room.

Laura closed her eyes when she was suddenly being scolded. She could feel the tears coming inside of her eyes.

"I did use protection!" She yelled, "I did use it..but..it broke, the protection broke. And..I don't know how either.." She said as her voice was shaking now. And she was trying to fight the tears back, she couldn't cry in front of Tony. She just couldn't.

Though she didn't like that he had files about her from S.H.I.E.L.D.

Tony felt her heart rate increase. Extermis altered the S.H.I.E.L.D. files to update that she was, in fact, not sterile. Tony couldn't stop it, not that she really had the thought process to stop the Extermis from updating it.

For once she was at a loss.

"Who? Who... who is the father?" Tony asked, almost unsteadily confused. Last known boyfriend was Julian. And Hellion hadn't been seen with her for almost a year or so.

Laura clutched her right arm when she heard Tony's question. She bit her lip as she could just feel herself breaking.

"His name is Dick...but..he was killed two weeks ago.." She said lowly, for she feared if she talked louder..She would cry in front of him.

Tony felt the disgustingly human need to hug the other woman. She didn't understand where the need came from but she refused to...

...

Tony's body moved on autopilot. Sure, she was a woman now but she was still slightly taller than the other woman with black hair. She moved her arms around her and enveloped her in a hug. She just stood there, letting the warm hum of the arc reactor being the only thing that made noise for a moment.

Not many people even knew it made noise.

"I'm sorry. God, I'm so sorry."

Laura's eyes widened when she was suddenly hugged. And was more surprised when she heard him say he was sorry.

Though after a little while, she just lowered her head and covered her eyes. She started to cry softly.

tony just stood there, awkwardly unsure of why she was doing this. Normally, she'd just say a huge Fuck you! (unless it was Stripes of course) and walk away. But something inside of her wanted to help Laura. It bothered Tony.

"Jesus, what are you doing to do?" It was more of a rhetorical question. They were here, not in constant danger except for the danger of knowing you might be next in and Arena match and die but nothing crazy.

Except for Loki because he's a fucking bastard.

Laura slowly got out of the hug so she could sit down. She then heard Tony's question.

"I'm going to take care of the baby..I can't abort it.. I just can't. I'm too against it. But, I.. I don't know how I'm going to do it.." She said softly, before covering her eyes. She was scared.

"I never said anything about that." Tony moved her hand to her hip as she leaned most of her weight to one foot.

"But... I'm sure you'd... you'd like help, right? After we get out of here..." Tony said, hinting heavily at the fact he'd... she'd be willing to help with anything.

"If you'd need some place to stay, we have space in the Avengers base..." Tony thought numbly to himself... herself when she became such a sap.

Loki's fault.

Yup, let's blame Loki.

"I didn't say you did.." She answered him.

She looked up at him when he suddenly suggested he would help, and let her stay in the Avengers base. She was surprised he was even saying these things.

"Why..?" She asked.

"Because, I'm a stupid, moron sap. Now shut up, I can't ruin my narcissistic, selfish persona." Tony stated flatly. It sounded weird to sound so... Tony but in a female voice. It was starting to get weird. She wasn't exactly sure she liked this. (Actually she really would rather her penis back. Nothing against women it's just... yeah. Wasn't get being a woman.)