Please Don't Leave Me

Steve had managed to get through the halls without anyone disturbing them, which was good news for Tony. It meant no one would spot the other in his/her now feminine form. Or of Tony crying. Something the patriot still couldn't believe he was being allowed to witness.

When he reached the door to Tony's room, he frowned as he thought of how to open it. Last time was easier because Tony was at least on his feet. But now, Tony was in the soldier's arms. it took only a moment for him to think of the best solution. He didn't want to put the other down, not when Tony was so vulnerable, and with clothes that would fall off.

Carefully, he hoisted Tony up higher, so that he could hold the other with the arm wrapped around the legs while the rest could be supported by the chest and shoulder. Tony could wrap his/her arms around his neck after all. His now free arm reached for the knob and turned it, allowing the door to open. Once inside the room, it was much easier to carry Tony and thus Steve was able to move with ease to the bed.

It might be best for Tony to rest a while wile like this. Wasn't he/she still sick anyways? "Let's get you back into bed." he said calmly, bringing his arm back up told hold tony bridal style before lowering the other onto the bed. "You should rest. I'll wait by the door and stand guard." he said, making a move to stand.

Tony tried to keep the very, very shreds of his dignity as he... she, this was confusing, had let herself open. Open for the first time in a very long time. Pepper had been the only person to see him ever break down and that was after Afghanistan when the nightmares were so vivid he thought he was back under water being tortured while having the shrapnel dig into his heart.

The pain of memories had always been so vivid when you had photographic memory.

Steve had stopped and started to adjust her in his arms. Tony quickly wrapped them around the super-soldiers neck clinging desperately to the only thing he could see with her tunneled vision. The vision that tried so desperately not to see what could have happened, like Steven had said. She breathed a bit shallower, trying not to go into an all out panic attack. It would be bad since they were in the hallway. It could cause a heart attack.

Tony didn't relax in the slightest until she felt Extermis whirl to life in her mind. It quickly started to work on her bruises as she felt the bed underneath her. Steve was great, always great... Tony didn't deserve the treatment she was getting. She tried to take a breath but when she saw Steve trying to leave. Trying to leave her alone in the room where Loki could get her again. She acted out of pure instinct. Her hand quickly grabbed his, tightening around the callused, powerful hands as she tried not to freak out once more.

Seemed like emotions were just all over the place for her today.

"Steve... d-don't leave. Ple...ase." Tony's voice cracked as she said please, her grip on the hand that kept her anchored to sanity tightened. Scared, slightly reddened eyes looked into Steve's own. She couldn't contain the emotions. She just wanted Steve to protect her, just like he did in the Weight Room.

Damn it, Tony, when did you become such a sap?

Steve paused in his moving the moment a hand grabbed onto his own. Wide eyes looked into deep blue and very sad eyes. Before he could open his mouth to ask what was wrong, Tony opened his/her mouth to speak.

"Steve... d-don't leave. Ple...ase."

Steve felt worry overtake him as well as a sense of protectiveness. Before him was what appeared to be a woman in despair and need of protection form the horrors she experienced. But as he continued to look into those blue eyes, that were reddening a bit form the crying, all he could see was Tony. No matter what the body was, those eyes remained the same. They were Tony's eyes. And they were scared. And they were begging him for help, for safety. Steve felt his heart thud a little harder as his free hand reached out to rest on Tony's shoulder.

"I'm not going anywhere." he said calmly, his face serious. And he wasn't. He had planned on staying inside the room, just near the door as he stood guard. But clearly Tony didn't want him form even leaving the bed. "I'll stay right here." he assured, moving so that he was sitting on the edge of the bed. "I won't leave you all alone."

Tony felt a bit of relief when the Patriot sat on the bed. It didn't feel like his words were enough to make her believe he was staying. Though the shifting wasn't enough, Steve wasn't close enough.

It quite amusing how the brain works when in a state of frenzy... Tony heard himself speak in his mind. He, a male voice, when...?

Tony pulled on Steve's hand trying to bring him closer, instead her body just moved closer to his. She needed to make sure he wasn't leaving. For some reason it felt like he'd just disappear if she wasn't touching him or clinging desperately to him.

Pepper left even though she said she'd stay... Another moment of male him. What the fuck? That's when is dawned on her.

Shut the fuck up, Extermis. Tony growled to the program. It kept bringing up different memories, memories that he was subconsciously calling upon to solidify the need, the basis for why he was acting out illogically. Acting like he needed someone that wasn't just for a quick fuck.

Steve would never be a quick fuck, he never ever had been thought of as that. Nor would have ever be thought of like that.

Tony needed a soldier to protect him and Steve was just the man for the job.

Steve blinked as Tony pulled on his hand, and then pulled him/herself closer. Brows furrowed as the other continued to look at him with such worry, such fear. Did Tony really think he'd abandon him/her? That he would just take off? It was hard to know for sure. But what he did know was that Tony was still very scared and was clinging to him for dear life.

"Tony?' he asked, giving the hand that held his a reassuring squeeze. "I really am not going anywhere." he said, trying to let the other know that he made no plans to move or go anywhere. What could he do to ease Tony's worries? To banish away his fears?

"What do you want me to do?"

Tony felt a very, very slight reassurance from the squeeze but it wasn't enough. Even when Steve stated he wasn't going to leave, it didn't feel like enough. It felt like there could be more done, more said.

But what?

"I don't know." Tony said, honestly. It took her another moment to slowly remove her hand from his. Maybe become a turtle would be better and less confusing right now. Contain everything she felt? But Steve had seen it, Steve knew all about it... so why did he have to hide?

Because, maybe, if Steve knew he'd leave. Tony thought to herself, inner turmoil. The debate within herself couldn't make up its mind.

What do we want him to do?

"How do I know you're not going to leave the moment I pass out?" Tony said quickly, voice caving in on itself at the speed it was said at. Tony's hand reattached itself in a desperate attempt to keep the soldier anchored.

Sleep with me in the same bed? Tony thought, though wouldn't speak it. The man would probably take that as a sex joke and everything would crumble. No... Tony couldn't risk that, wouldn't risk that. How could he tell the super soldier exactly what he wanted?

Tony, for once, had no idea.

"I don't know."

That was something he never thought he'd hear from Tony Stark. And before he could say anything, the other removed his/her hand and looked like he/she was about to curl into his/herself. The sight caused sadness to fill the soldier. Tony had just started to open up. Why was he/she closing those wall again? Steve rubbed his suddenly cold hand against itself.

"How do I know you're not going to leave the moment I pass out?"

Steve frowned at this. So Tony really did think he'd just abandon him/her in this time of need. What did he have to do to have Tony trust him? To let him/her know that he wasn't going to take off. That he wasn't going to leave Tony all alone. What must he do?

Tony's hand clung back to his once more, begging for some kind of reassurance that he wasn't going to disappear. "I'm not going to abandon you Tony." he said, his ton and face both serious. "I'm not that kind of man. I though from the years we've known each other you'd know that by now." Blue eyes looked at their adjoined hands, a thought occurring to him. Looking into blue eyes, he gave a reassuring squeeze. "I'll keep holding your hand." he said

"I won't let go. I promise."

Tony felt his resolve melt. It just... vanished. She felt so conflicted. Emotions that she hadn't felt in so long surfaced, painful some were but others felt nicer. Something he... she'd like to keep attached to. The firmer grip and Steve's declaration of not leaving made her feel almost a million times better... but still that doubt. The ever eating doubt that encased his emotionally stunted mind still bothered him... now her.

Tony pushed herself up, hissing in slight amount of pain as she sat cross legged with pants that felt oddly baggy and a shirt drooping off of one shoulder. Her eyes tiredly looked at their hands. His hands were smaller, females hands tended to be that way. It felt... weird. She rubbed her thumb over some of the slightly rough yet smooth skin that covered the soldier's hand.

God, he really wanted his hands back. What he was looking at was seriously not what he wanted. He tried to mentally photoshop his real hand into the real life image, which didn't work out at all. Tony sighed through her nose. Slightly long brown hair fell and covered her shoulders. Tony hated this. Tony really hated this.

Why me? Tony asked himself... herself as her shoulders shook lightly trying to fight off a weird rush of hormones, Extermis told him his body was throwing around hormones to deal with the changes in environment. Which didn't even make sense since well he wasn't a fucking biochemist doctor thing. It didn't have to make sense but it felt nice to know what was going on with his... her body as he was having a melt down.

Thank a fucking lot Loki.

Silence filled the room after Steve had spoken. It wasn't a harsh or awkward silence, just silence. Tony looked a little more relieved, a bit more assured, but still not full convinced. Or at least, it looked like that. It was a bit hard to tell. Tony was usually much more guarded than this so it was hard to decipher some of the not normally seen emotions.

Blue eyes watched as the other looked at their adjoined hands. He/she seemed lost in thought. A thumb moved over his calloused skin, the action giving a pleasant sensation. It felt nice.

But it wasn't enough to stop the super soldier from wondering what the other was thinking about. Especially when he noticed feminine shoulders shake beneath the baggy t-shirt. Silently, Steve moved closer and wrapped his free arm around them. It was a simply small hug, but perhaps it would help the other in some way? "A penny for your thoughts?" he asked, his grip on the hand still firm and unwavering.

Tony leaned into the contact, body to body contact seemed like the only thing Tony wanted. Well, only with Steve. If Loki came back he was getting a plasma beam to the face. Oh the highest setting possible, without killing Tony.

"I don't think I need the penny." Tony mumbled out, still wondering if he should say what he was actually thinking. Sleep with me in the same bed because I'm afraid if you leave I'll never see you again?

Yeah...

That would not fly over well with Captain 1940s Homophobia.

Steve took it as a good sign when the other leaned into his hold. Maybe now Tony would relax and even go to sleep. Allow his/her body to rest and heal. That was what was needed now. At the brunette's words, Steve almost chuckled. Sounded like something Tony would say.

"Even Billionaires need a penny or two. Loose change can come in handy." he said with a tiny smile. Then he let out a small sigh. "You should get some rest Tony." he said, placing his head onto of his/hers. "Let that machine of yours patch you up while you take it easy. Everything heals faster when you sleep." The blonde soldier rubbed Tony's shoulder lightly before pulling back a bit/. But his hand remain in the other's.

"I won't let go of your hand. I promise. So lay down and rest."

"No we don't." Tony muttered out.

"Extermis isn't a machine." He added to the mumbled out words, but he felt the microscopic nanobots doing their job. IT was a weird, tingling sensation that filled his body.

Then Steve moved his arm, the warmth the appendage brought was gone with it. Tony looked up at Steve, wondering why he did that before he realized that this was actuality. And in this actuality Steve and him weren't anywhere near being together. Huge "Homophobic" cock blocker that was Steve's childhood. But he was a she right now... maybe some very, very subtle convincing...? Tony wasn't sure.

"You're warm." Tony stated tiredly, moving closer, if possible. Tony just wanted to be warm and protected... was that too much to ask for?

Possibly when trying to not subtle-ly make an advance on the same guy doing the warming.

Steve rolled his eyes at the other. "Whatever Extermis is, let it do its job." he said with a sigh. Then suddenly, Tony pressed close to him once more. Steve stiffened at first, before slowly relaxing. It was just Tony after all. It wasn't as if something was going to happen. The other just wanted warmth. And probably comfort, not that the billionaire would ever admit it. Too much pride.

In some ways, Tony was acting like a child who stayed up past their bed time. Growing tired by the minute and clinging to the closest thing. Though he'd probably wouldn't admit to being tired. he thought almost chuckling at the thought. But now was not the time to be thinking of the other as a child. There were enough issues at hand. Such as Tony being a woman. Something that was very weird.

What needs to be done to get him changed back? Steve wondered, remembering that Tony almost mentioned it before growing silent. He/she hadn't brought it up again, not even when Steve had asked back in the weight room. Maybe he'd get the other to tell him later. But now...

"Come on Tony. You need to sleep." he said, giving the other a soft smile.

"Don't need sleep." Tony said a bit bitterly. Sleep completely wasn't necessary at this point. Completely unnecessary. But Steve was warm... he only needed to convince the super solider that letting him sleep here.

Why did his mind keep going back to Steve and sleeping in the same bed.

Seriously mind, seriously?

Tony shut his eyes, mumbling out about seriously not being tired. He felt her body relaxing. He wasn't if sure what to call himself. Body of a woman with the mentality of a man. Weird.

Extermis gave another whirl in his mind as Tony completely fell asleep on Steve. Grip on the super soldier's hand relaxed as there wasn't a conscious order to keep it as long as the hand decided to stay on Tony's on.

And as if on cue, Tony continued the childlike persona of 'I'm not tired'. Steve wasn't sure if it was because he knew and figured out so much of Tony or if the other could read his mind and simply chose to act this way. Well the first one was most logical, but with that weird system inside Tony... well he couldn't completely throw that thought away. The genius did like to push his buttons after all.

Blue eyes watched on with amusement as the soft feminine face become more and more sleepy, the signs of nodding off clearly being shown. It was a bit adorable. Though if this was Tony as he normally is it'd be even more so. He thought before his body stiffened. What did he just think? I-it was nothing. he thought as she shook his head.

And it was at this time that the weight on him felt a bit heavier. Blinking, Steve returned to reality to see that Tony had fallen asleep him. A small sigh left the soldier's lips as he moved to slowly lay the other down onto the mattress. Vaguely he noticed the grip on his hand had slackened greatly, but he did not remove it. He made a promise top not let go. And Captain America- no- Steve Rodgers did not break promises.

But sitting hunched over like he was would only make it bad for his back later. Even Captain America got kinks in his back sometimes. But the only options were to either deal with it, or lay down in the bed as well. The very thought caused him to flush lightly. That was just so improper. To lay in a bed with a woman he wasn't married to. But it was Tony, so it wasn't like he as really doing anything wrong. Yet why did he feel so indecent when he thought of it as laying next to Tony? It's not like I'm a nancy boy or anything. he thought as he bit his bottom lip.

It'll be fine... right? he wondered as he sighed. With a little hesitation, he toed off his boots and laid himself down next to the other. His hand still holding onto the other's, the grip firm. The downside with laying down next to Tony was that the bed was comfortable and the warmth of the other was soothing. Before he knew it, his eyes grew heavy. And then finally, he fell into a slumber. His hand never letting go.